So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
