somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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