True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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