can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Duck Duck Cougar?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
