It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
