return my video game
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
