Having a random hookup so left but love u
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
