if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
