Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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