Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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