I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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