I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
