Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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