We're like a lot better than the average bears
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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