shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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