3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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