i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
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He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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