Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
