So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
