walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
how drunk are you?
Several
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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