There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
