one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
