i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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