So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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