is your mom at the bar?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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