I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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