I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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