I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
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