halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You need a sexual gate keeper
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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