i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
