There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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