The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
