Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
