I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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