I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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