these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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