Umm I'm too high to move.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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