coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
