Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
