biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
