oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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