I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
