I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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