woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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