i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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