I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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