Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
