It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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