I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
