Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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