It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
