Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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