Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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