I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
