okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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