Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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