I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
