A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
