I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
