I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
