I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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