even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
