There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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