oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My ass is underappreciated
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
