Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
