Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
