there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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