Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
