I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Randomize
