I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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