Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I smell stomach acid.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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