My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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