You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
