just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
