i love accidental penises.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
