I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
